Could you please score my essay and give some feedback ? Thank you in advance

QuestionsCategory: OpinionCould you please score my essay and give some feedback ? Thank you in advance
Kieu Son Hoang asked 10 months ago

Topic: Some people prefer to provide help and support directly to those in the local community who needs aid. Others, however, prefer to give money to national charitable organizations. Discuss both attitudes and give your own opinion.
 One of the highly controversial issues today relates to whether people should provide help and support directly to the needy or via national charitable organizations. In this essay, I am going to examine this question from both points of view and then give my own opinion.
 On one side of the argument, there are people who argue that the benefits of direct help outweigh those of joining national charity. The main reason for believing this is that donors will be remain in touch directly with the underprivileged. As a result, the disadvantaged will be shared with not only material but also spiritual difficulties, which means they can express their feelings while encountering a lack of sympathy or being looked down on. This would give them hope and strengths to overcome their hardships. Another quite convincing opinion for this viewpoint is that our money would be well-spent without the likelihood of mediators and corruption. Direct support means the needy will receive what they deserve sufficiently, ruling out the possibility of corruptive acts.
 On the other hand, it is also possible to make the opposing case. It is often argued that in fact organizations can work on bigger platforms to solve not only local but also global issues. Many more people can be helped simultaneously as more fund will be raised from various places. In addition, those who have similar standing for this position maintain that more immediate and effective assistance can be offered with the help of professional staff, equipment and widespread network contributing to the efficiency of the donation.
 In my opinion, both arguments have their merits. On balance, however, I tend to believe that the charitable supply for those in need should be given directly rather than through a corporation in terms of fairness and sympathy.
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Could you please score my essay and give some feedback ? Thank you in advance
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