Could you please score my essay and give some feedback ? My exam is on the 7th of January

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 2Could you please score my essay and give some feedback ? My exam is on the 7th of January
Fatima asked 2 years ago

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools.
Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Education is a necessity for living, and all of the advanced societies agreed that education is a vital aspect of their improvement. Parents always dream about what their children could be in future. They search for the best schools and which one is more useful mixed schools or separate schools. So, I am writing this article about those two kinds of schools to help parents to choose the right decision.
On the one hand, mixed schools teach the students how to respect another gender, how to deal with them and which limit to put. Otherwise, some girls maybe suffer from bullying which is possible to happen in separate schools, but it is more common in mixed schools.
On the other hand, separate schools do not have a lot of gender problems like girls and boys sports teams, gender racism. The students will focus on their study, not in the appearance or how to make someone fall in love with you (which is the favourite subject for teenagers). Surely, the reality is somehow different from their schools, and the have to deal with another gender in the real world. For example, I have studied in separate school like everyone Saudi Arabia, but I think that we need some courses to understand each other.
Personally, I think teaching girls and boys separately is much easier and more valuable. Separate schools make good environment for studying, and in my opinion, the best friendships are usually of the same gender (who understand you and understand your needs)

Could you please score my essay and give some feedback ? My exam is on the 7th of January
5 (100%) 1 vote

1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 2 years ago

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools.
Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Education is a necessity for living, and all of the advanced societies agreed that education is a vital aspect of their improvement. Parents always dream about what their children could be in future. They search for the best schools and which one is more useful mixed schools or separate schools (…, whether mixed schools or separate schools are more useful). So, I am writing this article about those two kinds of schools to help parents to choose the right decision.
On the one hand, mixed schools teach the their students how to respect another the other gender, how to deal with them and which limit to put. Otherwise, some girls maybe suffer from bullying which is possible to happen in separate schools, but it is more common in mixed schools.
On the other hand, separate schools do not have a lot of gender problems like girls and boys sports teams, gender racism. The students will focus on their study, not in the appearance or how to make someone fall in love with you them (which is the favourite subject for teenagers). Surely, the reality is somehow different from their schools, and they have to deal with another gender in the real world. For example, I have studied in separate school like everyone Saudi Arabia, but I think that we need some courses to understand each other.
Personally, I think teaching girls and boys separately is much easier and more valuable. Separate schools make good environment for studying, and in my opinion, the best friendships are usually of the same gender (who understand you and understand your needs)
Task achievement – 5.0

  • address the task only partially
  • reasoning may be weak, not sufficiently developed to support main ideas

Coherence and cohesion – 4.5

  • there’s an overall progression but not always logical
  • some cohesive devices are not properly used

Lexical resource – 4.5

  • use only very basic vocabulary
  • the language may be not appropriate for a formal writing
  • make some errors in word choice

Grammatical range and accuracy – 4.5

  • use a very limited range of structures with some inaccuracy

Overall 4.5

Could you please score my essay and give some feedback ? My exam is on the 7th of January
5 (100%) 1 vote

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