Could you please score my essay and give some feedback? My exam is on the 25th of March

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 2Could you please score my essay and give some feedback? My exam is on the 25th of March
valslp asked 2 years ago

The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in the most developed coutries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if proved true? What can be done now to deal with this situation?
 
Over the next 50 years, experts are predicting that the birth rate in the most developed countries might begin to fall, and that by 2030 more than one third of the population will be aged 65 and more.
This could be caused by a number of different reasons and, if proved true, could have great effects on developed countries that governments should start working on preventing as soon as possible.
Nowadays young people tend to start working at a older age than their parents did, and this may results in a financial situation that could not be stable enough to have children, either right after getting a job or at all. The economic difficulties that the majority of the most developed countries have been experiencing in the last years might contribute to this drop of the birth rate: most people may not feel that their government would help them should they decide to expand their families.
The growing age of the living population is another result of the fall in the birth rate that might bring great changes to how we see and live our society. Soon we will probably have a significantly high number of old retired people and younger workers might have to work harder and longer to support them. Health systems of the most developed countries will have to invest a lot of money and energy on caring for old people and a lot of resources might have to be addressed to this growing portion of population.
Even advertisement how we know it might change: until now most goods have been designed to attract children, teenagers or young adults and brands of all kinds and advertising companies had targeted their products to their needs. With a population composed mainly by adults and old people, this might have to change too.
What can governments do, then, to change this trend?
I think that governments of developed countries should find ways to encourage people to have lager families but they also have make sure they feel supported in doing so. They should invest on services for parents of newborns, supporting them on their workplaces and making sure that having children is affordable for everyone.
 
 

Could you please score my essay and give some feedback? My exam is on the 25th of March
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