Could you please give feedback and evaluate my writing Task 2.

QuestionsCould you please give feedback and evaluate my writing Task 2.
Shrestha asked 3 months ago

Question: In many countries there is a widening gap between the rich and the poor. 
What do you think are the causes of this? 
What solutions can you suggest?
Answer:
It is a bitter truth that we in the 21st century still have the countries in this world, where there are an ever increasing gap between the rich and the poor. This can be attributed mainly due to the governmental policies of those nations, especially, developing ones, that promote wealthy to earn more and needy to work at lower wages for the former to earn more money. This essay will discuss the main reason for the mentioned problem and try to give a possible solution in the following paragraphs.
As mentioned above, it is generally believed that the major cause for this widening gap between upper class and lower economy people is due to the biased government policies in favor of oppulent classes like industrialist and businessmen, where as it fails to promote policies for upliftment of the unprivileged ones. For instance, in India we have seen huge transformation in regard of sky scrappers and number of billionaires in Forbe’s magazine but at the same time we can also find the slums increasing day by day. Government turns a blind eye towards those needy people from slums while promoting those billionaires to earn more, thus increasing the width of gap between the rich and the poor.
The solution to decrease this gap could be reform in governmental policies in favor of poor. This can can be done by increased taxation to industrialist while providing poverty allowance to those under privileged. For example, in developed countries, those who earn the higher pay more taxes up to 50%, while those without jobs are provided with unemployment allowance funded by government in addition vocational training to provide them with the better opportunities.
In conclusion, until and unless there are no changes in governmental policies and programs for the benefit of poor allowing them to jump the gap, this separation will keep on increasing.
 

Rate this post

1 Answers
Rachel answered 3 months ago

It is a bitter truth that we in the 21st century still have the countries in this world (Structural error), where there are an ever increasing gap between the rich and the poor. This can be attributed mainly due to the governmental policies of those nations, especially, developing ones, that promote wealthy to earn more and needy to work at lower wages for the former to earn more money. This essay will discuss the main reason for the mentioned problem and try to give a possible solution in the following paragraphs.
As mentioned above, it is generally believed that the major cause for this widening gap between upper class and lower economy people is due to the biased government policies in favor of oppulent classes like industrialist and businessmen, where as it fails to promote policies for upliftment of the unprivileged ones. For instance, in India we have seen huge transformation in regard of sky scrappers skyscrapers and number of billionaires in Forbe’s magazine but at the same time we can also find the slums increasing day by day. Government turns a blind eye towards those needy in need people from slums while promoting those billionaires to earn more, thus increasing the width of gap between the rich and the poor.
The solution to decrease this gap could be reform in governmental policies in favor of poor. This can can be done by increased taxation to industrialist while providing poverty allowance to those under privileged. For example, in developed countries, those who earn the higher pay more taxes up to 50%, while those without jobs are provided with unemployment allowance funded by government in addition vocational training to provide them with the better opportunities.
In conclusion, until and unless there are no changes in governmental policies and programs for the benefit of poor allowing them to jump the gap, this separation will keep on increasing.
Task achievement – 6.5

  • address all parts of the task
  • present relevant ideas

Coherence and Cohesion – 6.5

  • arrange information coherently and there’s a clear overall progress
  • present central topic within each paragraph

Lexical resource – 6.5

  • use adequate range of vocabulary
  • produce some errors in spelling, word choice

Grammatical range and accuracy – 6.5

  • use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
  • some errors in grammatical structure
  • punctuation may be faulty

Overall – 6.5

Rate this post