Could you please evaluate my essay? Some people argue that technological invention such as mobile phones are making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree?

QuestionsCategory: OpinionCould you please evaluate my essay? Some people argue that technological invention such as mobile phones are making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree?
Asma asked 4 months ago

In this era of modernisation, it is quite undeniable fact that the technological advancement has streamlined across various strata. In this trend many people are of opinion that due to electronic gadget in particularly the cell phones,  the people in society are socialising less frequently than they used to before some years back. I completely agree with this notion and will describe the reasons behind this.
 
To begin with what mobile phone offers, firstly it can be seen that the mobile companies have been introducing the cell phones by incorporating newly and beneficial features since many years and all these features allow people to finish their work in just a minute or second. For instance, through mobile phones the electricity bill, gas bill etc. Can be paid while sitting at home and hence people do not need to stand in a queue for many hours. As a result of this communication between people avoids during this period. Secondly, Mobiles phones also provide other important means of entertainment, be it games, puzzles or quiz etc. In other words, most of children these days prefer playing video games at home rather than playing outdoor games consequently they do not spend time with their neighbour’s children which can cultivate good values like unity, solidarity, truthfulness etc. Last but not least, when people have to wish their relatives either birthdays or exam wishes they send text messages in stead of personally meeting them.
 
On the contrary, opponents of this idea believe that cell phones do not affect the public interaction. With the help of them, a person can stay in touch with his friends, family members and colleagues.  In fact, the cell phone have brought together the people no matter in which corner of the world they live. To give an example, nowadays the video calling option such as Skype is readily available by which people can not only chat but see with one another.
 
Weighing both sides of arguments, I reckon that mobile phones have influenced all the human beings ranging from children to elderly people and if this trend continues the people definitely know the person from other country but not their dear ones and near ones. Also, it would prove gravely dangerous.

Could you please evaluate my essay? Some people argue that technological invention such as mobile phones are making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree?
5 (100%) 1 vote

1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 4 months ago

In this era of modernisation, it is quite undeniable fact that the technological advancement has streamlined across various strata. In this trend, many people are of opinion that due to electronic gadget in particularly the cell phones, the people in society are socialising less frequently than they used to before some years back. I completely agree with this notion and will describe the reasons behind this.
 
To begin with what mobile phone offers, firstly it can be seen that the mobile companies have been introducing the cell phones by incorporating newly and beneficial features since (word choice) many years and all these features allow people to finish their work in just a minute or second. For instance, through mobile phones the electricity bill, gas bill etc. Ccan be paid while sitting at home (can be omitted) and hence people do not need to stand in a queue for many hours. (should be rewritten/ reordered) As a result of this communication between people avoids during this period (meaning? – punctuation is needed). Secondly, mobiles phones also provide other important means of entertainment, be it games, puzzles or quiz etc. In other words, most of children these days prefer playing video games at home rather than playing outdoor games consequently they do not spend time with their neighbour’s children which can cultivate good values like unity, solidarity, truthfulness etc. (Break this sentence down) Last but not least, when people have to wish their relatives either birthdays or exam wishes they send text messages instead of personally meeting them.
 
On the contrary, opponents of this idea believe that cell phones do not affect the public interaction. With the help of them, a person can stay in touch with his friends, family members and colleagues.  In fact, the cell phone have has brought people together the people no matter in which corner of the world they live. To give an example, nowadays the video calling option such as Skype is readily available by which people can not only chat but see with one another.
 
Weighing both sides of arguments, I reckon that mobile phones have influenced all the human beings ranging from children to elderly people and if this trend continues the people definitely know the person from other country but not their dear ones and near ones. Also, it would prove gravely dangerous.
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Hi, Asma,  here is your score:
Overall – 6.5
You should pay more attention on using punctuation to produce clearer sentences.
Your conclusion may be off rail (it’s more like disadv and adv)

Could you please evaluate my essay? Some people argue that technological invention such as mobile phones are making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree?
5 (100%) 1 vote

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