Could you please evaluate my essay and give me score. i have my exam so it would be a great help for me.Children are less fit and healthy as compared to the children in the past. What are the reasons for this. Give solutions to this problem.

QuestionsCategory: Problem-SolutionCould you please evaluate my essay and give me score. i have my exam so it would be a great help for me.Children are less fit and healthy as compared to the children in the past. What are the reasons for this. Give solutions to this problem.
Asma asked 4 months ago

Despite the fact that these days parents are obviously more concerned about their children’s health, children today have weak immune level than the children had before some years back. For this trend, many factors are to be blamed. This essay will describe the causes of this situation and possible solutions to overcome it.
 
To begin with, one has to admit that the child aged between aged 5 to 16 have been influenced by the junk food such as pizza as well burger to a larger extent sine many years due to the easy availability of street food at very cheaper rate. In other words, children are more attracted towards contemporary food instead of attracting towards traditional food which are full of nutrients. Consequently, children today are deprived of essential vitamins and minerals. As a result of this, children are suffering from one of the life style related disorders such as obesity, diabetes etc. According to recent survey, 58% children was found to be obese. Another reason could be that, children have more academic subjects to study and lot of pressure to excel in that subjects in their schools. Thus, in doing that, the significant subjects are being compromised in particular, physical education. Also, children are playing with more video games and watching movies so they sit in front of computer or television screen for hours and hours without realising its negative impacts on the health.
 
To tackle this problem, the feasible solution have enlisted below. Firstly, parents must ensure that the children are getting healthy food and should have constant vigil on them so they can not eat unhealthy food. Secondly, they should be made participate in co-curricular activities held at school. Similarly, they  should take part in sports organized by their school. Therefore, students will be engaged in strenuous exercise . Last but not least, school management must give due attention to sport classes that can make their students healthy. In short, school curriculum must be updated regularly with the inclusion of important sports, which ultimately can inculcate sportsmanship in their pupils additionally.
 
To conclude, I am of the opinion that children are the future citizens of the country. Hence, they must be healthy. If parents and schools both actively take steps mentioned above, the children would be definitely much healthy than they are today!

Could you please evaluate my essay and give me score. i have my exam so it would be a great help for me.Children are less fit and healthy as compared to the children in the past. What are the reasons for this. Give solutions to this problem.
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1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 3 months ago

Hi, Asma Here is your estimated score:
TA – 5.5
CC – 5.0 (some parts are confusing and hard to understand)
LR – 6.0 (attempt to use less common lexico however, repetition is noticeable)
GRA – 5.5 (quite a lot of grammatical errors)
Overall –  5.5
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Despite the fact that these days parents are obviously more concerned about their children’s health, children today have weaker immune level than the children had before some years back. (GR.) For this trend, many factors are to be blamed. This essay will describe the causes of this situation and possible solutions to overcome it.
 
To begin with, one has to admit that the children aged between aged 5 to 16 have been influenced by the junk food such as pizza as well burger to a larger extent sine (for?) many years due to the easy availability of street food at very much cheaper rate. In other words, children are more attracted towards contemporary food (convenience food?) instead of attracting towards traditional food which are is full of nutrients. Consequently, children today are deprived of essential vitamins and minerals. As a result of this, children are suffering from one of the life style related disorders such as obesity, diabetes etc. According to recent survey, 58% children was were found to be obese. Another reason could be that, children have more academic subjects to study and lots of pressure to excel in (that those subjects in) their schools. Thus, in doing that (doing what?), the significant subjects are being compromised in particular, physical education.(what does this mean?) Also, children are playing with more video games and watching movies so they sit in front of computer or television screen for hours and hours without realizing its negative impacts on the health.
 
To tackle this problem, the feasible solutions have enlisted below. Firstly, parents must ensure that the children are getting healthy food and should have constant vigil (?) on them so they cannot eat unhealthy food. Secondly, they should be made participate in co-curricular activities held at school. Similarly, they should take part in sports organized by their school. Therefore, students will be engaged in strenuous exercise . Last but not least, school management must give due attention to sport classes that can make their students healthy. In short, school curriculum must be updated regularly with the inclusion of important sports, which ultimately can inculcate sportsmanship in their pupils additionally.
 
To conclude, I am of the opinion that children are the future citizens of the country. Hence, they must be healthy. If parents and schools both actively take steps mentioned above, the children would be definitely much healthy than they are today! (This conclusion failed to summarize all main ideas of the essay)

Could you please evaluate my essay and give me score. i have my exam so it would be a great help for me.Children are less fit and healthy as compared to the children in the past. What are the reasons for this. Give solutions to this problem.
Rate this post

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