Could you please check my writing task 2 and give some feedback and score? thanks in advance…

QuestionsCategory: DicussionCould you please check my writing task 2 and give some feedback and score? thanks in advance…
Ali Zufarov asked 2 years ago

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be a good member of society.Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In this modern era, educating offspring how to be an ideal citizen of the public, whether by instructors or parents, has been a hot topic in the news recently. Some individuals are of the opinion that school is the best place to gain this; however, others still believe that father and mothers have more substantial role in this occurrence. In this position, I will examine both views and provide real examples.
 
To begin with, we cannot deny the fact that parental role has made an outstanding contribution to their children’s character to be more exact, how youths can be an active member of the community in their future life. For instance, juveniles spend most of their time with their supervisors and imitate them or absorb positive patterns of behaviour. Furthermore, parents can teach codes of conduct, ground rules as well as conventions their children or foster the social environment in order to give a favour that their teenagers find or take a right way how to be a perfect member of the society. Indeed, the above-mentioned fact is not only beneficial for children, but individuals around them, encompassing the family members and the residents of the public. Oppositely, there are certain groups of people who are contending continuously that although parents seem as the first guide of adolescents, school is the right place to learn, children how to be a good member of the society. It is true that almost many juniors may not want to expend with father or mother, or vice versa many parents do not have sufficient time to spend with teenagers. It is because many families are dual-income that is why, many critics assert that school is the best choice, and therefore, teaching place’s curricula feature such courses and teachers train every schooler individually, leading to help that junior realises how to be an ideal person in the community easily and successfully. A key deduction by final analysing, even though it is obvious from all the disputes illustrated in the discussion, both of dimensions prove itself ideally, personally, I go along with that parents should take responsibility, teenagers, how to be an ideal person of the community on account of aforementioned strong facts.
 
Oppositely, there are certain groups of people who are contending continuously that although parents seem as the first guide of adolescents, school is the right place to learn, children how to be a good member of the society. It is true that almost many juniors may not want to expend with father or mother, or vice versa many parents do not have sufficient time to spend with teenagers. It is because many families are dual-income that is why, many critics assert that school is the best choice, and therefore, teaching place’s curricula to feature such courses and teachers train every schooler individually, leading to help that junior realizes how to be an ideal person in the community easily and successfully. A key deduction by final analyzing, even though it is obvious from all the disputes illustrated in the discussion, both of dimensions prove itself ideally, personally, I go along with that parents should take responsibility, teenagers, how to be an ideal person of the community on account of aforementioned strong facts.
 
A key deduction by final analyzing, even though it is obvious from all the disputes illustrated in the discussion, both of dimensions prove itself ideally, personally, I go along with that parents should take responsibility, teenagers, how to be an ideal person of the community on account of aforementioned strong facts.

Could you please check my writing task 2 and give some feedback and score? thanks in advance…
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