Could you please check my writing task 2 and give some feedback and score? thank you in advance…

QuestionsCategory: DicussionCould you please check my writing task 2 and give some feedback and score? thank you in advance…
Denisa Boroi asked 2 months ago

Some people think that to have a successful life you have to have a university education,while others think it’s not that important. 
Discuss both views and give your own opinion. 
Living in a world where every stage of our life is shaped by our society,graduating a university has become the road to success for all of us.But are we really right?Does success necessarily mean going to university?To my mind,being a college graduate represents a step towards being successful. 
To begin with,in order for us to achieve a prolific career,we all need to go to university.This means that it plays a vital role in the process of making dreams come true.Much more,university can be a good place for finding the job we aim to get,since while being in an intership programme,we have a greater chance to be recruited by certain employers.It is a well-known fact that the number of college students who are both students and employees at the same time is ever-growing.However,being a graduate does not mean we are truly successful,as we are just at the beginning of our road.In consequence,we still need to find a work place and do a lot of practice in the field you have a degree in.For example,university graduates cannot call themselves successful unless they have a job where they have the chance to prove their worth. 
On the other side,opponents to this view claim that success is just a matter of perspective.In other words,success represents something different for each of us ,regardless if we view it as being a doctor or a chef,for example.As a result,you can be successful without being a university graduate.Furthermore,success depends on the other people’s appreciation of how well we do our job.This is the case of doctors,for instance,since they can be considered successful based on the number of cured and satisfied patients.Nevertheless,no matter what our aim is,we need to do our job well,with passion and determination so as to be called a “man/woman of success”,not to mention that when we do what we love in a proper way,we will receive admiration from those around. 
To conclude,I feel that success varries according to people’s aspirations,going to university representing a step towards it when dreaming of having a prolific career.

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