Could you please check my work please?

QuestionsCategory: Advantage/DisadvantageCould you please check my work please?
KDadyn asked 2 years ago

By educating criminals there will be less crimes.Do you agree or disagree?
 
Recently,crimes has been increased a lot.Some people argue that,while criminals waste time in jail they can be educated because almost all criminal have not go to school.I firmly believe that this idea is beneficial for inmates.Tere are three major reasons for it.
First of all,Ibelieve that nurture,not nature is responsible for bullying and disobeying rules.However,when child is born,these offspring have not got any bad thoughts and have good personalities.Many scientists that children without supervision of parents and education are more likely to become criminals.By giving criminals education,they might not repeat their crimes.
Secondly,while prisoners are in jail they waste time by doing nothing or just working out.Scientists say that if human will not use brain frequently brain get used to it and will be too last to think.This is problem that many inmates after jail are facing.So by educating them we will save their ability to clear thinking and time will not be wasted.
Finally,government can get profit of this method,because country will have greater proportion of educated people.However,government should be ready to pay huge amount of money to get success but I think that this is not a waste of money.
By way of conclusion,I believe that by educating inmates there will be less crimes and also time of prisoners will not be useless.
 

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1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 2 years ago

Recently, crimes has (SV agreement) been increased a lot. (have been increasing sounds better, thou) Some people argue that, while criminals waste time in jail, they can be educated because almost all criminal have not go to school (unclear + grammar error). I firmly believe that this idea is beneficial for inmates. There are three major reasons for it.
First of all, I believe that nurture, not nature is responsible for bullying and disobeying rules. However, when child is born, these offspring have not got any bad thoughts and have good personalities. Many scientists (verb?) that children without supervision of parents and education are more likely to become criminals. By giving criminals education, they might not repeat their crimes.
Secondly, while prisoners are in jail they waste time by doing nothing or just working out. Scientists say that if human will not use brain frequently brain get (grammar error) used to it and will be too last to think (?). This is problem that many inmates after jail are facing. So by educating them we will save their ability to clear thinking and time will not be wasted.
Finally, government can get profit of this method, because country will have greater proportion of educated people. However, government should be ready to pay huge amount of money to get success but I think that this is not a waste of money.
By way of conclusion, I believe that by educating inmates there will be less crimes and also time of prisoners will not be useless.
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Overall 5.0
Present some ideas to address the TQ, however, they might be inadequate to fully cover the prompt. Main points should be extended in order to achieve better score.
Some parts may be ill-connected
In general words used are easy to understand but repetition may be noticeable.

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