Could you please check my essay and tell me how which criteria should i improve on?

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 2Could you please check my essay and tell me how which criteria should i improve on?
ielts101 asked 2 months ago

Many people believe that formal “pen and paper” examinations are not the best method of assessing educational achievement.
Discuss this view and give your own opinion.
 
The concept of assessment has immensely changed and many individuals contend that standard tests are no longer the most appropriate yardstick of students’ success. In my perspective, I would definitely say that there is more to learner’s evaluation than just taking a paper and pen test.
 
The world revolves around assessment based on passing set of standards that are set and measured by a standardized test like bar exams for lawyers and teachers, IQ and placement test for kids and newly hired workers, and national college exams for high school students. These tests have set the parameters of those who pass and fail based on the given criteria. However, these exams are focused more on rote learning and memorization which could never guarantee successful application and practice of knowledge and theories learned. A good case would be my bestfriend, who passed with flying colors the objective test on the multiple choice of concepts of basketball, but he could not even dribble and shoot the ball successfully let alone play the game.
Another important thing to consider is the ever changing global needs of our time wherein it encourages individuals to excel not only academically but holistically. Students must keep abreast with globalization and the way to maintain their competitive edge among others is to acquire life skills which could not be measure in just a single multiple choice. Take for instance, big corporation and companies do not only gauge their applicant’s performance with just their good scholastic achievement, but also their community involvement and communication and management skills where it can only be shown with their portfolios, demonstration, videos, and interviews.
We cannot also disregard the fact that standardized test ensures fairness and objectivity as it imposes similar testing condition for all students, but we should also consider that it should be fully supported with more reliable types of assessments such as projects, interviews, portfolios, and presentations.
 
All in all, I would therefore say that written exams, to some extent, may provide measurable, reliable, and objective results of students’ performance, but teachers should also consider using other testing tools to comprehensively assess the holistic formation of every learner towards achieving the educational curriculum.   
 
 
 

Could you please check my essay and tell me how which criteria should i improve on?
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1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 2 months ago

Hi,

Your essay is well-written, with good range of complex structures.

However, I suggest you rearrange your body paragraphs order to have better structure.

Also, when you are enlisting or giving examples, don’t use too many ‘and’ – just list them out and put ‘and’ before the last one to avoid repetition.

It should get a 7 overall if ideas are better-arranged.

Could you please check my essay and tell me how which criteria should i improve on?
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