Could you please check my essay and give some feedback and score?)

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 1Could you please check my essay and give some feedback and score?)
Anastasia asked 4 years ago

I’d like to find out, if it possible to write an assay in this manner? Will it be fine for IELTS?
The title:  Letter for accomondation
Dear Sir or Madam,
I’m writing you to report a problem with my room-mate and request a different room just for myself.
Believe it or not, my roommate is a sleepwalker! One night, when I finally got to sleep after a hard academic day I was suddenly woken up by a strange sound of someone creeping along the wall. It’s really weird! I slowly opened my eyes to see my d**n roommate standing on the window sill about to step out of the window. I was stunned and couldn’t move a limb. Next moment, she just stepped on the parapet with all her confidence and slowly walked away. Being horror-stricken, I ran out of the room calling for help and fortunately, was able to find a security guard who fished her through another window.
As result, I was deeply emotionally traumatized and had to pay a few visits to a psychologist. Apart from paying a fortune, my disturbed psychological condition didn’t allow me to pass my exams with good results. I still shudder every time I remember that horrifying experience.
I really hope for your understanding and sympathy in this difficult matter. Moving to an individual room where I could feel safe and relaxed would not only help me improve my performance but also regain my trust in people. Thank you for reading my letter. Hope to receive your answer soon.
Thanks in advance,

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