Could you please check my essay and give some feedback and score? thanks in advance :)

QuestionsCould you please check my essay and give some feedback and score? thanks in advance :)
AdamRahimov asked 2 years ago

Is watching TV bad for children? 
With the rapid development of science and technology, new technological inventions, such as television, have impacted nearly all aspects of human life. However, it can be argued that whether this influence is beneficial or detrimental. Especially there is a deep concern among parents that watching television might have catastrophic results on the growth of children. Frankly speaking, I believe that to watch television cannot affect the children adversely as exaggerated, and it can be very useful for them.
   Firstly, in the present scenario of urban lifestyle, both parents can be busy with their workload. For this reason, the television programs which children really enjoy watching can be very useful to give parents more free time.
   Secondly, these television programs also might be very advantageous for child development.  Television can be the perfect tool to enrich children’s knowledge. For example, adventurous programs boost their creativity, programs about science can inform children about new discoveries and breakthroughs, musical programs arouse their curiosity about music.
   On the other hand, it is undeniable that, the children who spend much time in front of television, will not have important social skills and some television programs have a negative role in the future character of children. For instance, programs which contain violence, crimes and pornography might inspire the children’s interest in criminal life.
     To conclude, the fact that watching television is good or bad depends on parent’s control. Although, technological gadgets can be easily overused, but also it can be very helpful for children if the parents direct them to the right way

Could you please check my essay and give some feedback and score? thanks in advance 🙂
5 (100%) 1 vote

1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 2 years ago

With the rapid development of science and technology, new technological inventions, such as television, have impacted nearly all aspects of human life. However, it can be argued that whether this influence is beneficial or detrimental. Especially there is a deep concern among parents that watching television might have catastrophic results on the growth of children. Frankly speaking, I believe that to watch watching television cannot affect the children adversely as exaggerated, and it can be very useful for them.
   Firstly, in the present scenario of urban lifestyle, both parents can be busy with their workload. For this reason, the television programs which children really enjoy watching can be very useful to give parents more free time.
   Secondly, these television programs also might be very advantageous for child development.  Television can be the perfect tool to enrich children’s knowledge. For example, adventurous programs boost their creativity, programs about science can inform children about new discoveries and breakthroughs, musical programs arouse their curiosity about music.
   On the other hand, it is undeniable that, the children who spend much time in front of television, will not have important social skills and some television programs have a negative role in the future character of children. For instance, programs which contain violence, crimes and pornography might inspire the children’s interest in criminal life.
     To conclude, the fact that watching television is good or bad depends on parent’s control. Although, technological gadgets can be easily overused, but also it can be very helpful for children if the parents direct them to the right way.
Task achievement – 6.0

  • address all parts of the task
  • present relevant ideas but they may be inadequately developed and some parts are more fully covered than the others

Coherence and cohesion – 6.0

  • arrange ideas logically and there’s a clear overall progression
  • use paragraph but not always logically

Lexical resource – 6.0

  • use an adequate range of vocabulary for the task

Grammatical range and accuracy – 6.0

  • use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms

Overall 6.0

Could you please check my essay and give some feedback and score? thanks in advance 🙂
5 (100%) 1 vote

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