Could you please check my essay and give some feedback and score? thanks in advance

QuestionsCould you please check my essay and give some feedback and score? thanks in advance
Nhựt Tân asked 9 months ago

Some people think parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

It is irrefutable that most parents set a great hope that their children attain proficiency. So, how can we teach them? For this affair, there are two different viewpoints. Some think parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Indeed, both of these views have lots of silencers that prove them right. I hold the view, nevertheless, that we need a combination of both to gain the best benefit for our children. More specifically, in this essay, these aspects will be explored.
Regarding to family, we cannot deny that family plays an important part in our life and parents are the foundation for their children in order to become successful. Children learn the first lesson from their family, often their own parents. What should happen when parent is a bad example? Specifically, children learn fast, and soon start having atrocious habits which are really arduous to find out the solution make them better. It is, therefore to their advantages to form an ideal family are indeed necessary. In fact, bring a child up is not really easy to all people.
Today, going to school is essential demand and parents let their children go to school anyway even sometimes it need a huge effort and hardship from each parent. They drive great intellectual benefit and pleasure. In short, they want their children to have brighter life than ever before. Furthermore, school is a good environment to promote their awareness and teachers also have enough experiences to be able to teach them how to behave well so as to become good members in society. As far as I concerned, some situations that cannot improve at home, still be a good person in community by the right teaching.
Anyway, I believe that children are brought up well needs a help of both aspects: family and school. They learn indifferent love from their parents and knowledge from school to become men with selfless and devote to life.

Could you please check my essay and give some feedback and score? thanks in advance
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1 Answers
Thuy Dung Pham answered 9 months ago

It is irrefutable-> There is no doubt that most parents set a great hope that their children attain proficiency. So, how can we teach them? For this affair, there are two different viewpoints. Some think parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Indeed, both of these views have lots of silencers that prove them right. I hold the view, nevertheless, that we need a combination of both to gain the best benefit for our children. More specifically, in this essay, these aspects will be explored.
Regarding to family, we cannot deny (it is undeniable) that family plays an important part in our life and parents are the foundation for their children in order to become successful their success. Children learn the first lesson from their family, often from their own parents. What should happen when one of the parents is a bad example? Specifically, children learn fast, and soon start having atrocious habits which are really arduous to find out the solution make them better. It is, therefore to their advantages to form an ideal family are indeed necessary. In fact, bring a child up is not really easy to all people.
Today, going to school is essential demand and parents let their children go to school anyway even sometimes it need a huge effort and hardship from each parent (run-on sentence). They drive great intellectual benefit and pleasure. In short, they want their children to have a brighter life than ever before. Furthermore, schools is are a good environment to promote their awareness and teachers also have enough experiences to be able to teach them how to behave well so as to become good members in society (run-on sentence). As far as I concerned, even though some situations that cannot improve at home, a child still can be a good person in community by the right teaching.
Anyway, I believe that children are brought up well needs a help of both aspects: family and school. They learn indifferent love from their parents and knowledge from school to become men with selfless and devote to life.
Feedback
Task achievement: 6.0 (addresses all parts of the task, presents, extends and supports main ideas)
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0 (arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression, may not always use referencing clearly and appropriately)
Lexical Resource: 6.0 (uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision)
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5.5 (uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms; however, there are many run-on sentences which cause difficulties for readers)
Overall: 6.0 (good ideas, need to pay more attention on your grammar. An academic writing should be logical, precise, and concise)

Could you please check my essay and give some feedback and score? thanks in advance
Rate this post

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