could you please check my essay and give some feedback and score?

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 2could you please check my essay and give some feedback and score?
Maba asked 2 years ago

EVERY YEAR SEVERAL LANGUAGES DIE OUT. SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THIS  IS NOT IMPORTANT BECAUSE LIFE WILL BE EASIER IF THERE ARE FEWER LANGUAGES IN THE WORLD.
TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS OPINION?
 
There has long been great debate regarding the disappearing of languages in the world. In contemporary society, there is a school of thought that fewer languages mean communicating more easily worldwide, whereas others strongly disagree. Personally, I am on the fence, and in this essay I will provide examples to support my belief.
 
on the one hand, less languages will allow more people to interact easily and expand their borders. Take as an example English. Nowadays more people are interested to learn this idiom, because they could interact with others even if  english is not their first language. Therefore, it is a great advantage if everyone speaks the same language.
 
On the other hand, every time that a language dies, a culture will also die. That is to say, our multicultural world is disappearing because the big languages are swallowing the small ones. To be specific, in many countries indigenous languages are obsoleted due to many people can not speak this idiom and they have to leave their essence and learn to speak the popular language, losing their identity and culture.
 
In short, fewer languages could help us to interact with others easily, but at the same time we are leaving behind a culture. In the years to come, my hope is that most people speak a universal language like english but without forget their roots.

could you please check my essay and give some feedback and score?
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