Could you please check my essay, and give me feedback ?

QuestionsCategory: DicussionCould you please check my essay, and give me feedback ?
Reda asked 3 years ago

Some people choose a career according to the social status and salary it will give them.Others choose a career according to whether they will enjoy the work . 
Which do you think is the  best way to choose a career? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
 
         There is a tendency to believe that the figure of the salary and the harmonious work place are the leading factors in picking out a convenient job. In my view, to a certain extent, I agree that choosing a career should depend on work environment; however, a convenient job should offer a sufficient salary .I shall prove these parts in the following paragraphs with more details.
       Personal satisfaction is regarded as one of the most essential factors while applying for a certain profession. To be more precise, people enjoy their jobs when they are doing the work that they wanted. Take teachers, for instance, if a teacher loves his/her  job and enjoys teaching, he or she will be creative; they will manage different methods in teaching.
         Furthermore, working in a supportive environment is considered as an undeniable factor while selecting a new job. By this I mean working with cooperative, understanding, and friendly colleagues and employers, creates positive working atmosphere, so that an employee may feel comfortable and relaxed during work. For example, a friend of mine, whose colleagues always support him at the beginning of his life career, has been working for the same company for many years. On the other hand, another friend, whose slave-driver manager  does not encourage or support him, desires to change his work.
      On the other hand, one of the main arguments in favor of the figure of the salary while applying for a job is the financial burdens. One example of this is the new graduated youth who wish to face the economic situation by finding a convenient career which offers them an appropriate salary so that they may fulfil their needs. Consequently, they may take various vocational courses after their graduation in order to apply for a career.
         In the final analysis, despite the fact that receiving a sufficient salary is a crucial aspect while choosing a job, working in a harmonious work place is more important. Therefore, I suggest that everyone be aware of these issues for a better job satisfaction. 

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