Could you please assess my essay ? Thanks!

QuestionsCould you please assess my essay ? Thanks!
Rita asked 2 years ago

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. 
Some people believe that being employed in the same firm for all their life would constitue a satisfying job, while others suggest that working for different companies would be better for their careers. In my opinion, the latter would have a more rewarding job.
First of all, organisations made up of the same personnel for a long period boast a safe and stable work environment. People knowing each others for years are likely to carry out their tasks more easily, being used to interact with their old colleagues. Secondly, with a secure job and salary one could apply for better positions, with more responsibilites and a higher salary. By doing so, the employees would be ambitious and eager to do always their best. In addition, this type of organisations are bound to become a family in which anyone could help the others.
However, this kind of work presents many drawbacks. For instance, there would not be new ideas or people. In fact, it can be stated that companies never changing their employees could face problems such as lack of new ideas and bored workers, resulting in lower quality products. On the contrary, choosing to work for different companies would enable a person to get in touch with a great deal of people, sharing their knowledge and experience. This would challenge their ability to interact with other colleagues and to adapt to different places. Finally, not always do colleagues get on well, so changing team would be a possible solution to work better.
To sum up, the security of a stable work is likely to have more downsides than positive aspects, while opting for a dinamic job in various firms would enhance the capability of relating with different people.

Could you please assess my essay ? Thanks!
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1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 2 years ago

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. 
Some people believe that being employed in the same firm for all their life would constitue a satisfying job, while others suggest that working for different companies would be better for their careers. In my opinion, the latter would have a more rewarding job.
First of all, organisations made up of the same personnel for a long period boast a safe and stable work environment. People knowing each others for years are likely to carry out their tasks more easily, being used to interact with their old colleagues. Secondly, with a secure job and salary one could apply for better positions, with more responsibilites responsibilities and a higher salary. By doing so, the employees would be ambitious and eager to do always their best. In addition, this type of organisations are is bound to become a family in which anyone could help the others.
However, this kind of work presents many drawbacks. For instance, there would not be new ideas or people. In fact, it can be stated that companies never changing their employees could face problems such as lack of new ideas and bored workers, resulting in lower quality products. On the contrary, choosing to work for different companies would enable a person to get in touch with a great deal of people, sharing their knowledge and experience. This would challenge their ability to interact with other colleagues and to adapt to different places. Finally, not always do colleagues get on well, so changing team would be a possible solution to work better.
To sum up, the security of a stable work is likely to have more downsides than positive aspects, while opting for a dinamic dynamic job in various firms would enhance the capability of relating with different people.
TA – 6.5

  • address all parts but quite simple
  • present a clear position

CC – 6.5

  • arrange ideas coherently

LR – 6.5

  • use adequate range of vocabulary for the task
  • make some errors in spelling

GRA – 6.0

  • use a mix of simple and complex structures
  • make some errors in parallel structures, grammar..

Overall 6.5

Could you please assess my essay ? Thanks!
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