could you please assess my essay thanks in advance,please put a score for me.

Questionscould you please assess my essay thanks in advance,please put a score for me.
trinhquochieu1501 asked 3 months ago

Task 1: Line Graph
The line graph illustrates how many UK people used three different types of means of transport on a daily basis over a period of 60 years.
It is clear that the number of those using car and bus increased significantly between 1970 and 2030, whereas the same period saw a gradual decrease in the figure for train. Additionally, the most popular mode of transport is car.
In the year 1970, the number of car and bus users stood at roughly 6 million and approximately 3 million respectively. Over the following 4 decades, there was a substantial increase in the number of those going to work by car to nearly 7 million. Likewise, the figure for bus also increased marginally, rising to exactly 3 and exceeding the figure for train until 2015. By 2030, the figures for car and bus are projected to grow, with the number of car users climbing to peak at 9 million.
by contrast, there were nearly 4 million peopke in the UK using car at the beginning, which is higher than that of bus, but this number dipped gradually to about 3.5 million during the next 4 decades, a decrease of nearly 0.5. By 2030, There is expected to a steady fall in to exactly 3 million.
 
 

could you please assess my essay thanks in advance,please put a score for me.
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Khurshidbek replied 3 months ago

I suggest you to rewrite the whole parts of your essay.You should divide 60year into 2 periods: from 1970 till now and projection from 2017 till 2030.

Khurshidbek replied 3 months ago

I suggest you to rewrite the whole parts of your essay.You should divide 60year period into 2 periods: from 1970 till now and projection from 2017 till 2030.

Khurshidbek replied 3 months ago

Also try to make clear overall in a single sentence

trinhquochieu1501 replied 3 months ago

Here my rewritten essay, and I divided 60-year period into 2 periods as your request. Please assess and point out my mistakes. Thanks alot

The line graph illustrates the number of UK people going to work by three different types of means of transport over a 60-year period.

Overall, the number of car users is by far highest over the given period. Additionally, the number of those going to work by car and train increases considerably from 1970 to 2030, whereas there is a gradual decrease in the figure for bus.

In the year 1970, the numbers of car and train users stood at roughly 6 million and approximately 3 million respectively, while the figure for bus was higher than that of train, at nearly 4 million. During 1970 – 2017, car user number increased significantly by around 2 million, from around 5 to almost 7 million, followed by a marginal rise of just over 7 million. Likewise, before reaching about 3.5 million and exceeding the figure for bus until 2017, the number of people using train went up marginally to exactly 3 million and then remained relatively unchanged at this level. However, the same period witnessed a steady decrease to just over 3 million in the figure for bus.

By 2030, it is predicted that the numbers of car and train users will continue to increase, with the figure for car rising to a peak of 9 million. By contrast, the figure for bus is projected to decline gradually to just below 3 million.

1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 2 months ago

In the year 1970, the numbers of car and train users stood at roughly 6 million and approximately 3 million respectively, while the figure for bus was higher than that of train, at nearly 4 million. During 1970 – 2017, car user number [the number of car users] increased significantly by around 2 million, from around 5 to almost 7 million, followed by a marginal rise of just over 7 million. Likewise, before reaching about 3.5 million and exceeding the figure for bus until 2017, the number of people using train went up marginally to exactly 3 million and then remained relatively unchanged at this level. However, the same period witnessed a steady decrease to just over 3 million in the figure for bus.

By 2030, it is predicted that the numbers of car and train users will continue to increase, with the figure for car rising to a peak of 9 million (should give the figure for train as well). By contrast, the figure for bus is projected to decline gradually to just below 3 million.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

trinhquochieu,

  • good overview.
  • why did you choose 2017? – you can see the turning point started at 2010 as figures for car and train go up

Overall ~ 6.+

could you please assess my essay thanks in advance,please put a score for me.
Rate this post

Khurshidbek replied 3 months ago

I suggest you to rewrite the whole parts of your essay.You should divide 60year into 2 periods: from 1970 till now and projection from 2017 till 2030.

Khurshidbek replied 3 months ago

I suggest you to rewrite the whole parts of your essay.You should divide 60year period into 2 periods: from 1970 till now and projection from 2017 till 2030.

Khurshidbek replied 3 months ago

Also try to make clear overall in a single sentence

trinhquochieu1501 replied 3 months ago

Here my rewritten essay, and I divided 60-year period into 2 periods as your request. Please assess and point out my mistakes. Thanks alot

The line graph illustrates the number of UK people going to work by three different types of means of transport over a 60-year period.

Overall, the number of car users is by far highest over the given period. Additionally, the number of those going to work by car and train increases considerably from 1970 to 2030, whereas there is a gradual decrease in the figure for bus.

In the year 1970, the numbers of car and train users stood at roughly 6 million and approximately 3 million respectively, while the figure for bus was higher than that of train, at nearly 4 million. During 1970 – 2017, car user number increased significantly by around 2 million, from around 5 to almost 7 million, followed by a marginal rise of just over 7 million. Likewise, before reaching about 3.5 million and exceeding the figure for bus until 2017, the number of people using train went up marginally to exactly 3 million and then remained relatively unchanged at this level. However, the same period witnessed a steady decrease to just over 3 million in the figure for bus.

By 2030, it is predicted that the numbers of car and train users will continue to increase, with the figure for car rising to a peak of 9 million. By contrast, the figure for bus is projected to decline gradually to just below 3 million.

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