Could you please assess my essay? I will take the test next week. Thank you.

QuestionsCategory: Advantage/DisadvantageCould you please assess my essay? I will take the test next week. Thank you.
Jose asked 6 months ago

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.
 
Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
 
As human civilization develop, language become more significant in our daily life. The advancement of communication and information technology push people to learn multiple languages in order to keep up with it. Moreover, school has become the main instrument to provide children with basic knowledge about foreign language and I believe it should start from the primary education.
Language is a practical skill which need to be used regularly to master it. By teaching foreign language in early school, kids will have the chance to understand it gradually. They will using their non native language occasionally thus adapting themselves for their future study.
The next point is, it will give young students a glimpse of the diversity of cultures in the world. As language play important role in many cultures, it can be beneficial to learn the history of certain heritage by also learning the language.
Another advantage is it will open their mind about a lot of thing. For instance, the internet generally use English which is not a big problem for English speaking countries. However, for nations who have their own language, there will be an obstacle to achieve information from the internet. Teaching todler about English from the beginning of their education will give them opportunity to overcome multicultural barrier. It prepare them for the global era that we live in today.
In conclusion, students will have great positive impact through multiple languages lesson from their elementary school. Especially for non English speaking countries, I think English course should taught from early age.

Could you please assess my essay? I will take the test next week. Thank you.
4.67 (93.33%) 3 votes

2 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 6 months ago

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.
 
Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

As human civilization develop, language become more significant in our daily life. The advancement of communication and information technology pushes people to learn multiple languages in order to keep up with it. Moreover, school has become the main instrument to provide children with basic knowledge about foreign language and I believe it (unclear – might be confusing bw/ school and basic knowledge about foreign language) should start from the primary education.
Language is a practical skill which needs to be used regularly to be mastered it. By teaching foreign language in early school, kids will have the chance to understand it gradually. They will using use their non-native language occasionally (W.Choice), thus adapting themselves for to their future study.
adapt for: to change or alter something for use with something else.
adapt to: change to make something suitable for something
The next point is, it will give young students a glimpse of the diversity of cultures in the world. As language play important role in many cultures, it can be beneficial to learn the history of certain heritage by also learning the language.
Another advantage is it will open their mind about a lot of things. For instance, the internet generally uses English which is not a big problem for English speaking countries. However, for nations who have their own language, there will be an obstacle to achieve information from the internet. (these two sentences should be combined into one) Teaching toddler (W.choice) about English from the beginning of their education will give them opportunity to overcome multicultural barrier. It prepares them for the global era that we live in today.
In conclusion, students will have great positive impact through multiple languages lesson from their elementary school. Especially for non-English-speaking countries, I think English course should be taught from early age.
Overall 4.0
Task achievement – 4.0

  • address all parts
  • main ideas are inadequately developed

Lexical resource – 4.5

  • use limited range of vocabulary
  • make some errors in word choice…

Coherence and Cohesion – 4.0

  • present information with some organization but the flow is not good

Grammatical range and accuracy – 4.5

  • use only a very limited range of structures
  • make many basic grammatical errors (subj-verb agreement is the most noticeable)

Could you please assess my essay? I will take the test next week. Thank you.
4.67 (93.33%) 3 votes

Thuy Dung Pham answered 6 months ago

As human civilization develops, language becomes more significant in our daily life. The advancement of communication and information technology push people to learn multiple languages in order to keep catch up with it (the flow are not logical, why have to learn foreign language bc of technological advance???). Moreover, school has become the main instrument to provide children with basic knowledge about foreign language and I believe it should start from the primary education.
Language is a practical skill which need to be used regularly to master it. By teaching foreign language in early school at a young age, kids will (non academic) would have the chance to understand it gradually. They will using (???) their non native language occasionally thus adapting themselves for their future study. (doesn’t make sence!)
The next point is, it will give young students a glimpse of the diversity of cultures in the world. As language plays important role in many cultures, it can be beneficial to for learning the history of certain heritage by also learning the language.
Another advantage is that it (what is this “it” indicate?) will open their mind about a lot of thing. For instance, the internet generally use English which is not a big problem for English speaking countries. However, for nations who have their own language, there will be an obstacle to achieve information from the internet. Teaching todler about English from the beginning of their education will give them opportunity to overcome multicultural barrier. It prepare them for the global era that we live in today. (long sentences but the idea is confusing)
In conclusion, students will have great positive impact (the language have a positive impacts on students!!!) through multiple languages lesson from their elementary school. Especially for non English speaking countries, I think English course should be taught from early age.
Task achievement: 3.0 (the ideas are there but its development seems not logical and relevant, lack of specific examples)
Cohesion and coherence: 4.0
Lexical resources: 4.0 (limited use of vocab)
Grammar Range and Accuracy: 3.0 (make mistakes with basic grammar)
Overall: 3.5 (weak writing for academic requirements, lack of logic and make serious mistakes with basic grammar)

Could you please assess my essay? I will take the test next week. Thank you.
4.67 (93.33%) 3 votes

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