Could you please assess my essay? I have an exam soon.

QuestionsCategory: Bar ChartCould you please assess my essay? I have an exam soon.
MuratAydin asked 4 months ago

Topic; 
The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different
 employment status. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
 
Text:
 
 The chart which is drawn between 1998-99 years compares the using of free time among the genders which are remarked, employed, unemployed, retired and as a special assemblage of housewives. İt can be cleary seen that among all the groups and in all conditions men are represented to rejoice slighty more than women in their leisure time. Among the full-time employed for example, men spent their leisure time at about 50 hours while women separeted about 38 hours to enjoy in a week.
 
As a other group of part-time employed, which is not entailed information about men, we observe that women spent slighty more( 40 hours) than when they were employed full-time.
 
As for the unemployed and retired groups, a drastict rise can be discerned among the whole groups. İn the unemployed group while men spent about 85 in a week women spent about 75 hours. İn the other remarkable group, which is retired persons, same proportion protects its’ position just like in the previous group.
 
And finally, the last one which just encases housewives, we see that they spent their free time at about 55 hours a bit more(17 hours) than when they were employed.

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