could you help me check and score my writing task 1 ?

QuestionsCategory: Bar Chartcould you help me check and score my writing task 1 ?
sirjana tiwari asked 4 months ago

Ielts plus 3, test 3, writing task 1
The bar diagram illustrates the proportion of jobless graduates in one European country in the four month (Jan, April, July, and Oct) in two years, 2009 and 2010.
Overall, male were more unemployed then female in both years. Proportion of unemployment in 2009 was grater then 2008 and Mostly graduates were workless in the month of October in both conjugative years.
In the year 2008, The proportion of unemployed graduates had been less than 10% in Jan, April, and july but it had been rose to more than 15% in the month of October. In addition to this, women were less jobless then male in whole year.
In 2009, in the month of Jan, April and July workless male exceed to more than 10% in comparison to the similar months of 2008. Furthermore, in October 2009, male unemployment rate had been increased to more then 20% and female nearly 15%, Which accounts the greatest proportion of unemployment in whole two years.

could you help me check and score my writing task 1 ?
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