Could you edit my essay?This essay topic is about history and museums. I found this is really hard form me. Does anyone can help me? Thanks in advance.^^

QuestionsCategory: QuestionsCould you edit my essay?This essay topic is about history and museums. I found this is really hard form me. Does anyone can help me? Thanks in advance.^^
Emily asked 3 months ago

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places?
Tourists prefer to visit museums or historical sites when they travel to a city or country, whereas local people seldom go to their museums. There are several reasons behind this phenomenon and also some ways to enable residents to understand their museums and historical attractions.
The main reason that local individuals are reluctant to attend museums may be overconfidence in knowledge about their culture and history. Local museums and historical sites are not intrigued to those people anymore since they consider that they are quite familiar with the history of their city. As a result, they fail to engage in participating museums. Tourists, however, are curious about historical relics, pictures and relevant documents in museums. Hence, Visitors are more likely to visit museums than local dwellers to comprehend the culture and history of this place.
Another reason for this trend is associated with geological locations of museums. It is obvious to observe that most museums are constructed near areas of interests where are usually located in the suburbs. This makes it more difficult for local people, in particular for individuals without interests in museums, to have a visit of museums frequently.
Nevertheless, travellers aim to learn about this place’s culture, so they are easily fascinated by those museums.
In order to strengthen a sense of roots and belonging for local people, several interventions can be taken to attract residents. First of all, residents are allowed to have free access to museums and historical sites, so there are higher possibilities for them to go to museums. Moreover, governments may hold numerous festivals about local culture through advertising, and therefore locals are encouraged to involve in those activities and raise awareness about the preservation of local culture. Besides, some museums can be moved to cities, so that local people are able to get to museums without efforts.

Could you edit my essay?This essay topic is about history and museums. I found this is really hard form me. Does anyone can help me? Thanks in advance.^^
4 (80%) 1 vote

1 Answers
Thuy Dung Pham answered 3 months ago

Tourists prefer to visit museums or historical sites when they travel to a city or country, whereas local people seldom go to their these museums. There are several reasons behind this phenomenon and also some ways suggestions/solutions to enable residents to understand their about museums and historical attractions.
The main reason that local individuals are reluctant to attend museums may be overconfidence overconfident in knowledge about their culture and history. Local museums and historical sites are not intrigued to those people anymore since they consider that they are quite familiar with the history of their city. As a result, they fail to engage in participating in museums. Tourists, however, are curious about historical relics, pictures and relevant documents in museums. Hence, Visitors are more likely to visit museums than local dwellers to comprehend the culture and history of this that/a particular place.
Another reason for this trend is associated with geological locations of museums. It is obvious to observe that most museums are constructed near areas of interests where are usually located in the suburbs. This Therefore, it is makes it more difficult for local people, in particular for individuals without interests in museums, to have a visit of museums frequently.
Nevertheless, travelers aim to learn about this place’s culture, so they are easily fascinated by those museums.
In order to strengthen a sense of roots and belonging for local people, several interventions can be taken to attract residents. First of all, residents are allowed to have free access to museums and historical sites, so there are higher possibilities for them to go to museums. Moreover, governments may hold numerous festivals about local culture through advertising, and. Therefore, therefore locals are encouraged to involve in those activities and raise awareness about the preservation of local culture. Besides, some museums can be moved to cities, so that local people are able to get to museums without efforts.
Feedback
Task achievement: 7.0 (addresses all parts of the task, presents, extends and supports main ideas)
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0 (arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression, may not always use referencing clearly and appropriately)
Lexical Resource: 6.5 (uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision)
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5.0 (uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms; however, there are some minor errors)
Overall: 6.5 (good organisation and good ideas, need to use more examples to support the ideas)

Could you edit my essay?This essay topic is about history and museums. I found this is really hard form me. Does anyone can help me? Thanks in advance.^^
4 (80%) 1 vote