Could you assess my essay? I will take the test in a couple days. Thank you.

QuestionsCategory: Problem-SolutionCould you assess my essay? I will take the test in a couple days. Thank you.
Jose asked 1 month ago

In the era of industrialization, stress has been a global illness faced by society. Stress can be cause by several factors. However, there are some activities which will reduce stress.
One of the main reason which stimulate stress is money. People need money to fulfil their daily needs, which means the lack of money going to disturb their lifes stability. Therefore, people must manage their finance wisely. Some people find it hard to do because of their inabbility to control their desire. Another factor is social anxiety. This kind of anxiety makes people feel overly emotional toward rejection. People tend to change their identity or even lie to them self to get accepted in their environment. This act can cause them to feel uncomfortable with their self, thus build up stress.
The good news is there are some aids to decrease stress level. The first is film. Watching film can be a source of inspiration and happiness. People can watch comedy films which can easily understood and have positive meanings to control their stress. Another activity is traveling. Going on a vacation gives satisfaction and trigger the spirit of adventure. These feelings will take away the negativity and replace it with gratitude.
In conclusion, a couple of factors which usually produce stress are the lack of money and the social anxiety. Nevertheless, simple actions like watching movies or going on a trip can help people to deal with their stress.  

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1 Answers
Rachel answered 1 month ago

In the era of industrialization, stress has been a global illness faced by society. Stress can be caused by several factors. However, there are some activities which will reduce stress.
One of the main reasons which stimulate stress is money. People need money to fulfil their daily needs, which means the lack of money going to disturb (tense?!) their lifes lives stability. Therefore, people must manage their finance wisely. Some people find it hard to do because of their inabbility to control their desire. Another factor is social anxiety. This kind of anxiety makes people feel overly emotional toward rejection. People tend to change their identity or even lie to them self to get accepted in their environment. This act can cause them to feel uncomfortable with their self themselves, thus builds up stress.
The good news is there are some aids to decrease stress level. The first is film. Watching film can be a source of inspiration and happiness. People can watch comedy films which can easily understood and have positive meanings to control their stress. Another activity is traveling. Going on a vacation gives satisfaction and trigger the spirit of adventure. These feelings will take away the negativity and replace it with gratitude.
In conclusion, a couple of factors which usually produce stress are the lack of money and the social anxiety. Nevertheless, simple actions like watching movies or going on a trip can help people to deal with their stress.  
(240)
Task achievement – 5.0

  • address all parts of the task but may be inadequately developed, ideas are weak
  • underword

Coherence and cohesion – 5.5

  • present information with some organization

Lexical resource – 5.0

  • use limited range of vocabulary
  • make errors in spelling

Grammatical range and accuracy – 5.0

  • use limited range of structures and make some errors

Overall 5.0
Hi, Jose.
I think, maybe a little more attention paid to building ideas and polishing/ choosing lexical items is good for your exam.
And don’t let yourself get penalty by under-word. You can write way many more words than required (250) but never below.
Good luck on your upcoming exam!~

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