Could anyone please evaluate my essay and give me score?It is often said that governments spend too much money in projects to promote wildlife, while there are problems that are more important? Do you agree or disagree?

QuestionsCategory: OpinionCould anyone please evaluate my essay and give me score?It is often said that governments spend too much money in projects to promote wildlife, while there are problems that are more important? Do you agree or disagree?
Asma asked 3 years ago

In this era of 21st century, governments of most of the countries divert a significant amount of fund to protect the wildlife conservation. However, opponents of this idea believe that there are other problems including lack of education,  poor health system etc., must be taken into consideration. I am completely agree with this notion and this essay will describe the reasons behind it.
 
To begin with, firstly some species of birds as well as animals are at extinction point due to loss of their habitants and imbalance in food chain. The quite obvious fact is that the animals and birds have been advantageous to mankind in many ways from last many centuries. Secondly, their loss might prove harmful to some people since a large proportion of population depends on non- vegetarian diet. To save some beneficial species and endangered species of animals the effective solution could be that the governments must ensure that the people do not hunt animals on account of their selfish purposes. Apart from this, the cutting of trees in their habitants must be strictly prohibited. To achieve this, neither too much efforts nor too much money are needed.
 
On the contrary, other insurmountable problems such as feminism, terrorist attacks, also poor health and education system in countryside are required to be solved. To tackle these problems, governments must ensure the honest presence of police on each and every street to make community safer. Besides, Hospitals and schools in remotest areas should be equipped with latest medical equipments and advanced technologies respectively as a result of this, the people there would be benefitted. Also, the citizens should have easy access to public transportation. To set up all these amenities a large amount of fund is required.
 
In a nutshell, I am of the opinion that, though it is government’ s prime responsibility to preserve a wildlife but this can be possibly done with a certain amount of money. But the provision of other important facilities should be given due attention and significant amount of money.

1 Answers
Nam Phuong answered 3 years ago

In this era of 21st century, governments of most of the countries divert a significant amount of fund to protect the wildlife conservation. However, opponents of this idea believe that there are other problems including lack of education,  poor health (healthcare) system etc., must be taken into consideration. I am completely agree with this notion and this essay will describe the reasons behind it.
To begin with, firstly some species of birds as well as animals are at extinction point due to loss of their habitants (natural habitats) and imbalance in food chain. The quite obvious fact is that the animals and birds have been advantageous to mankind in many ways from (in) last many centuries. Secondly, their loss might prove harmful to some people since a large proportion of population depends on non- vegetarian diet. To save some beneficial species and endangered species of animals, the effective solution could be that the governments must ensure that the people do not hunt animals on account of their selfish purposes. Apart from this, the cutting of trees in their habitants (natural habitats) must be strictly prohibited. To achieve this, neither too much efforts nor too much money are needed.
On the contrary, other insurmountable problems such as feminism, terrorist attacks, also poor health (healthcare) and education system in countryside are required to be solved. To tackle these problems, governments must ensure the honest (adequate) presence of police on each and every street to make community safer. Besides, Hospitals and schools in remotest (remote) areas should be equipped with latest (modern) medical equipments (equipment) and advanced technologies respectively as a result of this, the people there would be benefitted (benefited). Also, the citizens should have easy access to public transportation. To set up all these amenities a large amount of fund is required.
In a nutshell, I am of the opinion that, though it is government’ s prime responsibility to preserve a wildlife but this can be possibly done with a certain amount of money. But the provision of other important facilities should be given due attention and significant amount of money.

T.R: 6.0

  • address all parts of the task
  • You should give appropriate ideas and info to support your point of view. From your paragraph, the 1st point about necessity for wildlife preservation is more fully covered than the 2nd point. It makes readers confused about your opinion.

C.C: 6.0

  • arrange information and ideas coherently
  • in 2nd paragraph, ideas and info should be grouped into one strong main points.

L.R: 6.5

  • use sufficient range of vocabulary

G.R: 6.5

  • use a mix of simple and complex structure.

Overall: 6.5

Practice makes perfect!

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