Can you correct and score my essay?

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 2Can you correct and score my essay?
nguyenlykimngan asked 2 years ago

Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theatre and less time on sport. How far do you agree with this statement?
Nowadays, younger tend to be interested in cultural activities such as music and theatre and they spend less time ob sports. I think personally think that they should balance these kinds of activities because both of them are advantageous. 
On one hand, cultural activities help them a lot and give them chances to try new things. People can hang out with their friends after a hard week and go to the movie theatre, so they can feel relaxed and reduce stress. Moreover, these kinds of activities also help you have social skills which are very necessary in the future. For example, when communicating with friends, they can have soft and problem-solving skills, especially meeting many people will help them be more confident, so they will be more energetic and social with friends.
On the other hand, sports help thêm have skills to work in groups. It is very important for people who want to be leaders in the future. Besides, they usually play sports  meaning they can maintain a healthy lifestyle. For instance, an obese child plays soccer everyday, hễ cần loose weight and it is also useful for him to meet new friends, work with many people and develop soft skills.
To sum up, they should balance these kinds of activities so they can have better health and more friends and spend equal days on these ones will help them have great benefits from them.

Can you correct and score my essay?
1 (20%) 1 vote

1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 2 years ago

Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theatre and less time on sport. How far do you agree with this statement?
Nowadays, younger tend to be interested in cultural activities such as music and theatre and they spend less time ob on sports. I think personally think that they should balance these kinds of activities because both of them are advantageous. 
On one hand, cultural activities help them a lot and give them chances to try new things. People can hang out with their friends after a hard week and go to the movie theatre, so they can feel relaxed and reduce stress/ less stressed. Moreover, these kinds of activities also help you (?!) have social skills which are very necessary in the future. For example, when communicating with friends, they can have soft and problem-solving skills; especially meeting many people will help them be more confident, so they will be more energetic and social with friends.
Your first sentence should introduce who are ‘them’ before using that certain pronoun
On the other hand, sports help thêm have skills to work in groups. It is very important for people who want to be leaders in the future. Besides, they usually play sports meaning they can maintain a healthy lifestyle. For instance, an obese child plays soccer everyday, hễ cần (?!) can loose weight and it is also useful for him to meet new friends, work with many people and develop soft skills.
To sum up, they should balance these kinds of activities so they can have better health and more friends and spend equal days on these ones will help them have great benefits from them.
(237)
– Under word
Overall 5.0
Task achievement – 5.5

  • address all parts of the task but may be not sufficiently developed
  • under word

Coherence and cohesion – 5.5

  • there’s overall progression (but not always clear)

Lexical resource – 5.0

  • use limited range of vocabulary
  • used Vietnamese?! – this should never be happening. You shouldn’t use any language besides English, only if it’s technical terms, or cultural notions…
  • repetitive

Grammatical range and accuracy – 5.0

  • use limited range of structures

Can you correct and score my essay?
1 (20%) 1 vote

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