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QuestionsCategory: Processcan you assess my writing essay?
navidba asked 10 months ago


The diagrams explain the life cycle of salmon which is divided into three different stages.
At the first stage, salmon eggs were dropped upper River and they had been staying near the small stones and adjacent of the reeds nearly for 5 to 6 months. After this stage, salmon eggs will be transformed to ‘fries’ which are between 3 and 8 centimeter. Fries will have been living in lower river approximately for 4 years. Then, they will be transformed to ‘smolts’ which are between nearly 12 and 15 centimeter. Afterwards, they will have been living in open sea for almost 5 years. At the last stage, they will be transformed to the adult salmons with a size of between 70 and 76 centimeter, hence, they will ready for traveling to the river, and they will drop their eggs in upper river.
In conclusion, the cycle shows the trend of growing up salmons from eggs to adult salmons.

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1 Answers
Thuy Dung Pham answered 10 months ago

The diagrams (should paraphrase!!!) below scheme explains/describes/gives information about the life cycle of salmon which is divided into three different stages.
At the first stage/To begin with, the salmon eggs were dropped are laid in the upper river and after they had been staying attaching near to the small stones and adjacent of the reeds nearly for roughly 5 to 6 months. After this stage, Salmon The eggs will-> would then be transformed grow to ‘fries’, which are between around 3 and 8 centimeters in length Fries will have been living and live in lower river approximately for 4 years. The fries they will be transformed now become to 12- to 15-centimeter long ‘smolts’, having themselves well prepared which are between nearly 12 and 15 centimeter. Afterwards, they will have been living in  for migration to the open sea for almost the next 5 years. At the last stage Finally, they will be transformed to the after reaching to the length of around 70 and 76 centimeter, hence, they the young adult salmons will are ready for a new journey/trip traveling to the river, and they will drop their eggs in upper river  a new cycle begins.
In conclusion, the cycle shows the trend gives a detailed description about development stages of of growing up salmon from eggs newborn to adulthood.
Feedback
Task achievement: 5.0 (attempts to describe in details, yet need more improvement)
Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0 (lack of cohesion devices, very simple flow of description)
Lexical resource: 4.0 (vocabs are not academic enough, limited fluency and flexibility with descriptive vocabs. from biological perspective, a species naturally grow or develop during their lives, the word ‘transform’ is not biologically appropriate in this case!!!)
Grammar Range and Accuracy: 4.0 (repeating simple sentence structures, grammar mistakes: future continuous tense is not appropriate in this case. This is a description of a fact-life cycle of a species, present simple is enough)
Overall: 4.0

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