Can someone assess my essay and give it a score? I need to know my level of writing. Thank you very much!

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 2Can someone assess my essay and give it a score? I need to know my level of writing. Thank you very much!
fathiamni asked 4 years ago

Q: In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.


Children that are working for money is already a common issue in most developing countries like Indonesia and Thailand. However, these works by children can be categorized into two, light work and heavy work. Light work is when children get paid for doing some helps in the house, as for heavy work is for children that do work outside their house.

It is good for children to work, because I think, it can teach these children the hardship to obtain money as well as it can sharpen their social skills. With today’s fluctuating economy rates, some parents work more than one job. These children, they can experience the hardships that their parents have to go through in order to pay the monthly expenses. For example, in Malaysia, children can be seen helping their parents at night markets. They serve the customers, which can boost their interaction skills and also by helping their parents, they get to know the burden of their parents to find money.

However, it is not good for their education. Working children may spend more time on finding money instead of studying. This situation can affect their grades in school. This should be prevented because I believe that it is important for children to get the best out of education. Education will shape their future, not their working experience. For example, children from poor families, they have to work in restaurants to support their family’s finance. Because of that, they may have less time to study on school subjects like Mathematics and Science.

To be concluded, in this situation, both views have its points. In my opinion, it is fine for children to work, however, they must be able to balance their working time and study time. Because, I believe that education is far more important than working experience to ensure for them to have a bright future.

(315 words)

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