Please assess my essay

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 2Please assess my essay
Abdo asked 2 weeks ago

WRITING TASK 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this topic.
Write about the following topic:
With the increasing use and development of new technology, many machines are now able to do the work which people used to perform.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience
Write at least 250 words.
Answer:
In today’s world technology reached unprecedented levels regarding accuracy & diversity . Machines become much more available than ever, they even replaced wife range of tasks done manually by man. Secondary to this outstanding revolution there was a debate regarding future of these machines & the potential replacement of wide spectrum of jobs run by humans. Some people agreed with the idea & many other refuted it.
General portion of people favoured the enormous development in field of technology from their point of view introduction of such technology in many aspects saved their time, finished the required tasks in a more accurate way without human errors for instance computers are now tremendously replaced the old paper work & archives, we can now store data in a computer (or even in a flash card) instead of many archives & papers. Another example are kitchen machines like blenders, microwaves, dishwashers &cookers, they are now unquestionably substantial armamentarium in any woman’s kitchen. We  can’t imagine life without these technology-based equipments. Thus it’s vital to keep our modern technology& even to increase our investment in this field.
However, on the other hand many people consider total replacement of human dependant work by machines is a sort of fantasy, This simply won’t occur. These machines are not flawless, they needs to be programmed, processed, they need maintainence & finally they are vulnerable to errors due to their dependency on electricity. Furthermore, many employees would loss their jobs due to such sudden replacement, giving Japan as an example, in March 2015 the undebatably  famous company (Sony) decided to retire more than 2600 employees. Sony declared that this move was thoroughly studied regarding the impact on company outcome & the legal aspect. Ironically, it wasn’t until the next month , the administration of Sony was faced by floods of customers complains about their laptops which were not tested manually before merchandize. Accordingly, machines may help people on their life but not to the extent that they replace them.
In conclusion, increasing technology & machines in our lives & their impact on our jobs is a debatable issue. I find myself attracted to the rational campaign which accept to use these machines within limits & not to substitute our workers & employees by technology-based machines.
 

Rate this post

1 Answers
Rachel answered 1 week ago

In today’s world technology reached unprecedented levels regarding accuracy & diversity. Machines become much more available than ever, they even replaced wife wide range of tasks done manually by man. Secondary to this outstanding revolution, there was a debate regarding future of these machines & and the potential replacement of wide spectrum of jobs run by humans. Some people agreed with the idea & and many others refuted it.
General portion of people favoured the enormous development in field of technology from their point of view introduction of such technology in many aspects saved their time, finished the required tasks in a more accurate way without human errors for instance computers are now tremendously replaced the old paper work & archives, we can now store data in a computer (or even in a flash card) instead of many archives & papers. Another example are kitchen machines like blenders, microwaves, dishwashers &cookers, they are now unquestionably substantial armamentarium in any woman’s kitchen. We can’t imagine life without these technology-based equipments. Thus it’s vital to keep our modern technology & even to increase our investment in this field.

  • Too long sentences without proper punctuations
  • Inappropriate use of contraction; often, they are not used in formal writings

However, on the other hand, many people consider total replacement of human dependant work by with machines is a sort of fantasy. This simply won’t occur. These machines are not flawless, they needs to be programmed, processed, they need maintenance & finally they are vulnerable to errors due to their dependency on electricity. Furthermore, many employees would loss lose their jobs due to such sudden replacement, giving Japan as an example, in March 2015 the undebatably famous company (Sony) decided to retire more than 2600 employees. Sony declared that this move was thoroughly studied regarding the impact on company outcome & the legal aspect. Ironically, it wasn’t until the next month , the administration of Sony was faced by floods of customers complains about their laptops which were not tested manually before merchandize. Accordingly, machines may help people on their life but not to the extent that they replace them.
In conclusion, increasing technology & machines in our lives & their impact on our jobs is a debatable issue. I find myself attracted to the rational campaign which accepts to use these machines within limits & not to substitute our workers & employees by technology-based machines.
Task achievement – 6.0

  • address all parts of the task

Coherence and cohesion – 6.0

  • there’s a clear progression throughout, and a central topic within each paragraph
  • logically arrange information

Lexical resource – 6.0
Grammatical range and accuracy – 6.0
Overall 6.0

Rate this post