I'm taking the general IELTS. so could you score my letter and give me some feedback and tips thank you

QuestionsCategory: LetterI'm taking the general IELTS. so could you score my letter and give me some feedback and tips thank you
Fatima asked 3 weeks ago

You are a student who wants to apply to Green Pines College. You are
experiencing financial problems at the moment.
Task: Write a letter to the Principal of the College, explaining your
situation and ask for information on scholarships or other means of
financial help available.
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am Fatima Mohammed, a student, and I want to attend to Green Pines College. I am writing to request some information about financial scholarships.
I study while working and I had a part-time job at a coffee shop. Unfortunately, my manager expelled me after he asked me to work full time which I could not accept. However, I can not pay for both my dormitory and my college fees.
I want to know if there are any full scholarships available or ant another way to get help. Please, send me the scholarships websites, and I will send them any information they need. I am looking for a new job as soon as possible but still I can not deny that I need help to start the bachelor. Thank you for your time and consideration. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Yours faithfully,
Fatima Mohammed.

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