Hello! I have an IELTS exam in five days. Could you please assess my essay? Thank you!

QuestionsCategory: QuestionsHello! I have an IELTS exam in five days. Could you please assess my essay? Thank you!
Catherine asked 2 months ago

Studies show that criminals get low level of education. Some people belive that the best way to reduce the crime is educating people in prison so they can get a job after leaving prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many criminals come from deprived backgrounds or live in an unstable environment. Sometimes they resort to crime due to a low level of education. Some people are of the opinion that an ultimate solution to decrease crime rates may enable criminals to have access to education. Whether this is the best method will be discussed below.
It is undeniable that exposure to education will allow imprisoned people to understand their mistakes, and they have chances to acquire knowledge and skills that jobs require. This means that they are more likely to obtain employment than before, so they do not have to take illegal activities such as robbery and drug smuggling to survive in the society. Educating individuals in prison, thus, may help those people to become members who can contribute to the society rather than harm others. As a result, crime rates have higher possibilities to be reduced over time.
On the other hand, not every criminal can be transformed as a person who does not pose threats to citizens after receiving the education. It is too difficult for some criminals to engage in studying for instance. Besides, the prison sentence may fail to act as deterrents for offenders without being captured by the police, because they will not treat imprisonment as a punishment. Crime rates may also be soaring up due to this implementation. Instead of imparting the knowledge to criminals, it is more important to identify roots of problems existed in the society. For example, governments devote more money to education so that students at a disadvantage have chances to access the knowledge. Fewer people will turn to careers of crime as a consequence. Moreover, more businesses should be encouraged in creating more job opportunities. Hence, offences will reduce with a fall in unemployment.
To sum up, educating people in prison may provide criminals opportunities to become qualified individuals, but it is not the most effective strategy to prevent violating behaviours.
 

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1 Answers
Rachel answered 2 months ago

Many criminals come from deprived backgrounds or live in an unstable environment. Sometimes they resort to crime due to a low level of education. Some people are of the opinion that an ultimate solution to decrease crime rates may enable criminals to have access to education. Whether this is the best method will be discussed below.
It is undeniable that exposure to education will allow imprisoned people to understand their mistakes, and they have chances to acquire knowledge and skills that jobs require. This means that they are more likely to obtain employment than before, so they do not have to take illegal activities such as robbery and drug smuggling to survive in the society. Educating individuals in prison, thus, may help those people to become members who can contribute to the society rather than harm others. As a result, crime rates have higher possibilities to be reduced over time.
On the other hand, not every criminal can be transformed as a person who does not pose threats to citizens after receiving the education. It is too difficult for some criminals to engage in studying for instance. Besides, the prison sentence may fail to act as deterrents for offenders without being captured by the police, because they will not treat imprisonment as a punishment. Crime rates may also be soaring up due to this implementation. Instead of imparting the knowledge to criminals, it is more important to identify roots of problems existed in the society. For example, governments devote more money to education so that students at a disadvantage have chances to access the knowledge. Fewer people will turn to careers of crime as a consequence. Moreover, more businesses should be encouraged in creating more job opportunities. Hence, offences will reduce with a fall in unemployment.
To sum up, educating people in prison may provide criminals opportunities to become qualified individuals, but it is not the most effective strategy to prevent violating behaviours.
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Task achievement – 8.0

  • sufficiently address all parts of the task
  • present a well-developed response

Coherence and Cohesion – 7.5

  • logically organize ideas
  • use wide range of cohesive devices
  • present a clear central topic within each paragraph

Lexical resource – 8.0

  • use wide range of vocabulary to allow flexibility and precision

Grammatical range and accuracy – 8.0

  • use wide range of structures

Overall – 8.0
This is a well-written essay. Hope you perform well on your upcoming test. 

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