Could you please score my essay and give some feedback ? Thank you in advance

QuestionsCategory: OpinionCould you please score my essay and give some feedback ? Thank you in advance
Kieu Son Hoang asked 3 weeks ago

Topic: Governments should spend moneys on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
 In such a modern and developing society, fast and safe traffic systems and improved communication are highly recommended for the future of the country. Therefore, I personally agree that  governments should invest in railways rather than roads.
 To begin with, railways offer safer commuting for everyone. According to some estimates, the number of car accidents and casualties is far more than that of train accidents. As a result, investing in a more secure way of travelling is a much more prudent idea. Moreover, trains cause less environmental damage while cars are the main reason of pollution in the world. For example, in countries such as Singapore, a working day of a citizen is extremely comfortable, convenient and ecofriendly thanks to the developed systems of undergrounds.
 Furthermore, those who have a similar standing for this issue maintain that trains can carry hundreds of people and several tons of goods while road transport cannot. Some undergrounds are many times faster than cars and public buses. Therefore, improved railways would save people’s valuable time, especially employees like office workers. Express trains can also reduce the congestions in many cities so putting money in the enhancement of railways would be a feasible solution in metropolitan cities. Moreover, the discussion would not be completed without our attention to the fact that the population is increasing rapidly and focusing on faster and safer means of transport is more logical than the old-fashioned one.
 In conclusion, governments should build more railways than roads and highways, but they should also make considerable measurement to ensure that such systems can fit the geographical features of their own regions and the local residents are fully aware of the benefits of railway travel.
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1 Answers
Rachel answered 3 weeks ago

In such a modern and developing society, fast and safe traffic systems and improved (word choice) communication are highly recommended for the future of the country. Therefore, I personally agree that governments should invest in railways rather than roads.
To begin with, railways offer safer commuting for everyone. According to some estimates, the number of car accidents and casualties is far more than that of train accidents. As a result, investing in a more secure way of travelling is a much more prudent idea. Moreover, trains cause less environmental damage while cars are the main reason of pollution in the world. For example, in countries such as Singapore, a working day of a citizen is extremely comfortable, convenient and eco-friendly, thanks to the developed systems of undergrounds.
Furthermore, those who have a similar standing (w.choice) for this issue maintain that trains can carry hundreds of people and several tons of goods while road transports cannot. Some undergrounds are many times faster than cars and public buses. Therefore, improved railways would save people’s valuable time, especially employees like office workers. Express trains can also reduce the congestions in many cities, so putting money in the enhancement of railways would be a feasible solution in metropolitan cities. Moreover, the discussion would not be completed without our attention to the fact that the population is increasing rapidly; and focusing on faster and safer means of transport is more logical than the old-fashioned one.
In conclusion, governments should build more railways than roads and highways, but they should also make considerable measurement to ensure that such systems can fit the geographical features of their own regions and the local residents are fully aware of the benefits of railway travel.
Task achievement – 7.5

  • address all parts
  • present a well-developed respond

Coherence and cohesion – 7.0

  • logically organize ideas

Lexical resource – 7.5

  • use less common lexical items with some awareness
  • make some errors in word choice

Grammatical range and accuracy – 7.0
Overall – 7.0

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